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[pancakeboy]

[Text him! Or do whatever, I'm not the police, and neither is he, thank God. Just specify if you want the more-fun-but-less-stable pre-11/20 guy or the grumpy third semester/postcanon guy. Pancake only for VRDR guys please, he's not third semester yet]

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[fogboundcrow]

"You're putting words in my mouth. I'm not saying I want you to be a doormat. I am saying you have the opportunity to prove them wrong. Even if it's out of spite, that's something."

He folds his arms, refusing to yield. "And think of it this way. If this mission hinges on you, they'll all owe you for this. You will be at the center."

[pancakeboy]

It says something about the depth of his rejection that that argument does not move him at all. Why prove them wrong, after all, when they're right about him? When all of them agree that he's the worst? Every clock chiming in concord, for one painfully blissful moment.

Except for one. He lowers his hand, glares at Raven. "Whatever's happening to him, he deserves. The same way I deserve whatever happens as a result of this. That's just a fact, whether you like it or not."

1/2

[fogboundcrow]

Damn it. Why must he be so stubborn? Raven's fists roll tight. He can feel his eyes stinging. This is... it's...

"Is it a fact, or is it that you don't want to consider the alternative?!" Shit. He yelled. His voice even cracked a little. Damn it all...

2/2

[fogboundcrow]

"...I just don't understand why you deny your own worth. Well, perhaps that isn't the right way to put it. I understand that you've walked a dark path, but that was then. It's been nearly a year now. I just..."

He wilts, unable to keep the fire going.

"I wish you could love yourself even half as much as I love you."

There. He said it.

1/2

[pancakeboy]

Everything stops. He did not just hear that.

2/2

[pancakeboy]

After a moment, he drops to the floor, burying his face in his arms. Goddammit. Goddammit. Damn it to hell.

[fogboundcrow]

Oh. That doesn't look good.

Still tentative and rather teary, Raven takes a seat beside him. "...Did I do something wrong?"

[pancakeboy]

He feels like he's expanded to fill the room. Like if he remained standing, he'd have fallen. He's never wanted to run so far and fast in his life.

"Do you—" He catches his breath. "Do you care if you did?"

[fogboundcrow]

"Of course I care! I wouldn't have said any of that if I didn't." He's not sure what to do here, so he just sits there, watching.

[pancakeboy]

Slowly, he shakes his head from side to side, with his face still hidden. It seems more difficult to breathe than it did moments before. "He should pay for what he said. And nobody gives a shit about it. Not even Crow."

[fogboundcrow]

"How do you know that they don't care? Even if Crow knows, it's possible that he's in a precarious position, not wanting to lose either one of you. That doesn't mean he's happy, but Crow strikes me as someone who doesn't want to lose anyone."

Raven looks down, sighing. "Not that I'm any better..."

[pancakeboy]

Magpie squints up over one arm. His eyes are red. "You are him."

[fogboundcrow]

"Yet I've experienced things quite differently as well, but I suppose that's beside the point." Those eyes... hm. "Do you want me to bring the konpeito over here?"

[pancakeboy]

Burying his face again, and too worn-down even to scowl, he holds out one hand.

[fogboundcrow]

Hmm... Raven isn't sure if it's a hand for the snacks or for something else. He'd like to comfort Magpie, but Magpie is also being... Magpie. Stubborn. Abrasive.

So he'll start by grabbing the box from the bed and putting a little into Magpie's palm.

[pancakeboy]

Tipping his head back, he drops the lot into his mouth, and slides it into his cheek like a chipmunk. "Shit," he mutters, resting his face back down, "I really want a doughnut. There's no justice in the world."

[fogboundcrow]

"...Make Crow get them for you. It's the least he could do, if he's going to push for your participation in the Palace." He manages a weak little snicker. "You hear that, Crow? Compensate him for the emotional toll."

[pancakeboy]

"Sure. Why not." It's bled dry of emotion. "If I'm going to get it in the neck for trying to kick that guy into gear, they can at least feed me."

[fogboundcrow]

"Precisely. I know you have your reasons, and I know this isn't a simple process..." He leans back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. "But I am sorry if I took it too far."

[pancakeboy]

Tilting his head back with a sigh, he rubs his konpeito against the roof of his mouth, and reaches for Raven's hand.

[fogboundcrow]

Raven accepts the offered hand with a smile. "It's okay if you need more time. I'm sure Crow can wait until you're ready to speak with them."

[pancakeboy]

"No, he can't. If I don't give a quick yes or no, I'll look like a fool. I suppose that's the case anyway." His fingers interlace with Raven's, more of a match than they used to be; he stares at the ceiling.

"Have I told you I don't remember her face? Or I didn't. And then the one here arrived, and now when I think of my mother all I see is her."

[fogboundcrow]

"It's been so long... I understand." To not know if that was truly her face, or if she's simply filling the void... Even if the memories aren't quite as faded for Raven, faded they are all the same. "I enjoy speaking to her. It's... nice, knowing a version of her survived, but I hardly expect you or any other version of us to have an uncomplicated relationship."

[pancakeboy]

"Yeah." He tries, really tries, to see her in the white plaster of the ceiling. But all he can make out is the smile of the other one, her good cheer and seemingly unfailing good health; he sighs.

"All the years I spent listening to my family. The things they said about her. The things kids yelled at school, or even the teachers. Because they always fucking knew. Shit, the things Shido would say about women every time I saw him. And every time I thought of her. I thought he didn't even remember her, and still I thought it." He swallows. "If I overlook what he said, if I don't make him pay for that...."

[fogboundcrow]

"He deserves to pay for it, but there are other ways, and now you know the worst case scenario." He quiets for a few moments, but just a few. "I still think the ultimate payback would be to keep living out of spite. If Shido sees you as a disposable pawn, then you can prove him wrong and carry on... but I know that there's a lot at risk and it's easier said than done."

Hmm... But it's applicable to more than just Shido. "And for what it's worth, I'm not saying you need to be Drake's best friend, but I do think avoiding his Palace is only going to leave you with loose ends. You won't be able to move forward unless you face what awaits you there."