pancakeboy | ic inbox [ota]

"Do I have a choice?" He tries to let go of Ren's hand, to withdraw back into his sulk. He has a choice, of course. He can leave, and return to his apartment. With Yoshizawa-san and her bentos, and the awful, awful neighbours.

Ren flicks his hand lightly. "You always have a choice."

"If you really don't want to go, we can't force you, but I truly do think it would be good for you, and I will support you every step of the way. It may be hard, but—"

Suddenly, and without warning, before Crow can even finish his monologue, a speedy figure dashes into the kitchen, snatches the donut box from Crow's Shadow, and slides it across the table to Magpie with an all too playful smirk.

"Here, Magpie. I believe they've tormented you enough."

Yes, Raven is here. Beware.

It's like a bucket of water over his head. He doesn't take the box, just stares at it. Stares at Raven, while the tangle of hate swells in his chest. What the hell?

"... were you listening?", he says, eventually. He doesn't... well, he doesn't know what he wants, at this moment. But not that.

And so is Ren-the-smaller. He follows after Raven and snatches a donut before he puts them on the table. "Nope." He's already got a mouthful of chocolate glaze. "We just saw the donuts."

Ren stares at his younger self much like he did Magpie earlier.

Raven snatches a chocolate donut as well, but then nudges the box closer to Magpie. "Just a small shipping fee. Now, enjoy."

He winks, motioning for Ren to follow. Crow's Shadow just stares, dumbfounded.

While they wait for the kids to leave or whatever they came here for, Crow glances across the house. "Why don't we relocate to the couch? Things have gotten so needlessly tense."

Edited 2024-07-14 19:54 (UTC)

Don't mind Magpie. He's just staring after Raven, still sans donut, trying to keep the disparate parts of himself from clashing too spectacularly. It feels like the most dangerous moment of the evening.

"Right," he says, blankly. But Crow could have suggested an al fresco orgy, for all he knows.

"Tell us when you're done being boring!" Small-Ren calls, following Raven.

Joker rolls his eyes. "Ok. Couch time." C'mon. Ren picks up Magpie's hand and tugs him.

Crow brings the donut box along, following them toward the couch.

"So, how are you feeling?"

He'll wait for Ren and Magpie to sit before sitting beside Magpie. His Shadow squeezes in beside Ren.

On the couch, he draws into himself, folding his hands tight. "Aren't you a detective? I feel like shit, Crow. And now I feel like I've been run over by a truck, on top of that."

Peeling off his gloves, he takes a donut with a glare. "Two pre-adolescent, solid lead trucks. Depleted uranium trucks." Nom.

Edited 2024-07-14 20:50 (UTC)

"Me too," Ren grunts. Small-him is currently going through an adrenaline rush from getting away with calling Magpie boring. And a sugar rush. He picks up a donut of his own.

Crow's Shadow loops an arm around Ren, nuzzling him. "We're here for you, darling."

Crow nods, placing a hand on Magpie's shoulder. "I realize that we came on a little strong earlier. Is there anything you'd like to get off your chest?"

Raven, meanwhile, is assuring the younger Ren that Magpie is not, in fact, boring and is very, very cool.

It takes him a while to reply, mainly because he's shoving the donut into his face under cover of a sulk. Five minutes ago he had a whole plan laid out, and now he's been sidelined to his alternate plan B, when they lovebomb you, smile and tell them to choke on it before you walk out forever with a cool swish of your jacket.

He chews the donut as if it's done him a personal insult, then produces a wipe from his pocket to clean up, staring past the TV instead of looking at Crow. "What is there to say? I agreed to what you wanted. I'm sure it will be wonderful."

We're here for you, darling. Honestly. He summons an unconvincing inward facsimile of contempt, just for him.

"And I'm sure you don't feel constricted by that at all," Ren snorts.

"...You feel like you don't truly have a choice. Like we've cornered you and are twisting your arm, and you have no true freedom in this situation." Goro heaves a heavy sigh, tightening his grip on Magpie's shoulder. "Is there anything we can do to alleviate those feelings? The last thing I want is to use you, no matter how dire the circumstances."

Edited 2024-07-15 01:52 (UTC)

"I don't need my feelings alleviated." Annoyed, he finishes scrubbing his hand clean of coarse, cheap sugar, and drops the wipe on the floor just to get up Crow's nose. "I said I'll do it."

If he wasn't so fucking weak, he'd break Crow's grip on his shoulder, and break Ren's hand right along with it. But he is weak, weaker even than he used to think he was, and the part of him that could do anything has rusted almost to nothing.

"Yes, yes, you're very strong and hard-shelled and don't deal with any of the pesky feelings that we do," Ren snorts again. "Just...theoretically. What would make you feel better."

"I can make us some tea?" Crow's Shadow suggests.

As for Crow, he doesn't move an inch. "Magpie, while I appreciate that you're willing to work with us, I'd rather we resolve any lingering problems between us. Despite the way we approached you earlier, we all care for you immensely, and we would never ask this of you if it wasn't entirely necessary."

Ren would get it, he thinks, randomly, disgusted with himself anew. I wouldn't have had to tell him shit. And if I did, he'd....

He'd what? Turn on his heel and walk away? Tell all his friends? Fight to the death, like Akechi dreamed of? "I can think of about ten different ways you could have asked me, Crow. You didn't have to put me on trial for something you'll never understand."

To be honest, he still dreams of that, sometimes. Just having it out, man to man. Throwing down his glove to cut Ren out of his mind for good. Being somebody for a moment.

For a moment, Ren debates ripping Magpie's hand off. He really, truly does, and his hand tightens around Magpie's. But.

Ren closes his eyes. He counts backwards from ten in English under his breath. He does not think about how he has to let another person walk all over him after Shido without any way to fight back and how infuriating that is.

"Then help us understand, idiot." He lets out a long breath. It comes out fond, more than anything. "We can't look out for you if you keep us blind."

We can't look out for you.... It rocks him. And he doesn't want to be rocked; he wants to be safe. He wants to be in control again. He wants to go home.

So when his hand wobbles in Ren's, when he jerks momentarily beneath Crow's hand, rather than submit, he growls back, "You don't want to understand! You want me to comply. Which I've said I'll do. You want me to be something I'm not, and won't ever be."

He has a sense of something priceless, broken and dying in his hand. Better to finish it off fast, by choice. Better by far.

"But that's not true!" Crow's voice is raw, desperate. The hand on Magpie's shoulder trembles. His eyes slam shut. Damn it... "I don't want to change you, Magpie. I don't want to use you like Shido. I just..."

Shit. He needs to keep it together. He needs to...

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

His Shadow looks at Crow, so shaken, on the verge of tears, whether it be from frustration or genuine sadness... and presses his palms together, trying not to let the tornado of emotions swirling inside Crow overwhelm him. He has to be a bright spot. He has to be strong.

"It's been difficult for Crow today. First he acted on your behalf, only for the operation to implode on itself. Then Drake was genuinely hurt by it. Ren was upset. It was... hard. He's trying so hard, Magpie, because he cares so much, but it feels like he's being pulled in two very different directions and nothing he tries is good enough."

Crow takes his other hand and covers his eyes. He pinches his brow, tries to cool down. "I do want to understand. I'm sorry that I ever made you think otherwise. So much is riding on this mission, but that's no excuse for making you feel as though you're nothing but a means to an end."

And all the emotions come exploding out of him, wrapping the stupid Magpie in a hug. "I want to know who you are!!"

Uh. He's just turned to stare mistrustfully at Crow and his breakdown—just as bad, you're just as bad as him, yes thank you that's the whole POINT—when Ren grabs him from behind.

Let go, he tries to say. It sticks in his throat, just ahead of the whirlwind in his chest. Crow, he thinks.

Edited 2024-07-15 03:25 (UTC)

Damn it all. If Ren is hugging him, so is Crow. Anything to get it through his stupid head. "I'm so tired, Magpie. I do want this Palace dealt with, but I don't want you to ever feel like I'm just using you to achieve that goal. You're so much more than a tool or a puppet."

His Shadow clears his throat. "That offer for tea is still on the table, if you need it."

Edited 2024-07-15 03:30 (UTC)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject