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[pancakeboy]

[Text him! Or do whatever, I'm not the police, and neither is he, thank God. Just specify if you want the more-fun-but-less-stable pre-11/20 guy or the grumpy third semester/postcanon guy. Pancake only for VRDR guys please, he's not third semester yet]

Comments

1/2

[pancakeboy]

[Okay, he ... was waiting for him to blow up, in some strange and tasteless way. But he didn't expect this.]

And?

2/2

[pancakeboy]

[Ugh, now he has to deal with all this concern and empathy shit, too.]

I'm sorry you had to hear that.

[fogbornphantom]

Don't be. I was the one who approached him. He tried to use it as a means to drive me away.

It didn't work. You know how persistent I am.

And he did inform me what you said as well. I can't say I approve, but I also don't believe it warranted such a personal and severe response. I'm not happy that he went there.

But it would be far worse if he denied any wrongdoing, I think.

[pancakeboy]

Are you joking? What I said was *not close* to what he said.

I may understand better now that it hit him in a personal place, but he still made a joke of what *our mother* went through.

He used something his Akechi will have told him in confidence.

["Not happy"? He's getting it in the neck after what that guy said? Have a fucking spine, Crow.]

[fogbornphantom]

I agree with everything you're saying, just so we're clear.

It's a betrayal of trust. If his Akechi knew that he had gone there, no doubt he'd be just as furious. I needed several minutes to even formulate a response.

Being honest, I still don't know how to feel about it.

I'm frankly rather pissed that his initial response to returning back to his teenage form is to try and burn bridges and push people away. He's on this fucking self-destructive meltdown and used the way he hurt you as a weapon to try and drive me to leave.

So I'm not happy with him. I'm just too tired to explode in his face. That will just give him what he wants, and I'm not going to allow myself to be controlled in that manner.

[It's too tiring. So much has happened, and now there's so much to deal with.]

[pancakeboy]

Then *let him do it*. If he wants to be alone, fine! If he wants to lock himself in a corner with his ridiculous self-pity and the consequences of his acts, then *let him*!

Why does it have to be *your* problem? Or mine for that matter

In fact, why is *everything* your fucking problem, Crow?

[He has noticed Crow is tired. Actually, it was obvious the morning he woke up in Raven's bed. So let that guy drag himself away and die in his corner. Everyone wins.

A pair of dark eyes, which no longer exist, are boring into the back of his head.]

[fogbornphantom]

[...He's not wrong. Deep down, Crow knows that.]

Force of habit.

[There's no point in denying that much.]

My life only improved because people were willing to put up with me. They saw something in me that I could no longer see in myself.

Even before I arrived here, I often wondered if I truly deserved it.

[pancakeboy]

Shit.

[Let's be real, here: Magpie knew this was unsustainable almost from the start. It's why he's been back and forth so much. And this is the crash, huh?]

Out of all the people here, you have to be one of the ones least deserving of that. I think Akira-kun gets up to more shit than you.

I've told you before this is survivor's guilt. That doesn't make anything different, of course.

[fogbornphantom]

But it's worked. I reached out to Ren when he had nobody else to turn to. Now look where we are.

I did the same with you. I don't regret it.

The children are safe and happy because I've provided a space where they can flourish.

[It's not that Magpie's wrong. There is certainly survivor's guilt at play. It's just...]

Rationally, I know I can't spare everyone from the sort of pain I endured. No one has that kind of power, and those who try to attain it end up like Maruki.

Still, I can't just turn a blind eye.

[pancakeboy]

Even I can't convincingly sell platitudes like "you can't do everything", so I won't try. Nonetheless, you've taken on an inhuman amount.

Isn't the standard advice in this situation "ask for help"? Did you plan to do that at any stage?

[He's such a hypocrite at times. Actually, most times. But especially this one.]

[fogbornphantom]

It's not that I can't ask for help. I've asked the shapeshifting Akira to look after the children a few times. Raven tries to help around the house when he can, as does Ren.

But everyone has their own needs and limitations. I suppose to some extent, I didn't want others to be burdened by such requests.

[He won't even point out the hypocrisy. He's too tired to bother.]

[pancakeboy]

[He stares at that, pulse beating in his ears. It's infuriating. It's maddening. It's...

...down to him. He could be looking in a mirror.]

You mean you didn't dare to ask.

[Never ask anything. Never stand out. Never have needs. Oh, he remembers.]

[fogbornphantom]

No. I suppose not.

[What else can he say? Excuses would be only that: excuses. It's rather shameful, if anything.]

[pancakeboy]

[He sighs, resting one fingertip on the screen of his phone.]

And I thought that therapist of yours was doing such a good job. A few months without them and you fall into what seem like old mistakes, is that it?

[fogbornphantom]

Oh, I'm certain Sonomura-san would have quite a bit to say to me about my... habits.

[Lovely. Just thinking about that leaves him feeling more pathetic.]

But what else was I to do? Out of everyone here, I was probably the most qualified to care for the children from the onset due to my experiences with Nanako-chan. I don't regret that, nor do I regret all the time I poured into helping you.

But I understand your points all the same. You wouldn't be the first to raise concerns, and I doubt you'll be the last.

[pancakeboy]

You have spent a lot of time and effort on me. More than my own mother, if you want to know the truth. Or no, that's far too cruel.

I've been waiting for the repayment to come due.

[fogbornphantom]

What you do is your choice. I don't like to act as though I'm owed anything.

[pancakeboy]

I notice you didn't say you *aren't* owed anything. Smooth, Crow.

How about coffee? I promise not to make it myself.

[Let him fix you, Crow. Or at least let him try.]

[fogbornphantom]

I wouldn't say no to coffee.

[It would be nice to catch up. So much has been going on in just a short span of time.]

[pancakeboy]

[It would be nice. Even besides needing to do something for Crow, Magpie just... wants him to himself. Just for a little while.]

Not Leblanc or Jazz Jin, I think. Too much like sitting with a corpse on strings.

Do you know Hanagokoro in Ginza? Near the station, with the red canopy?

[It's a special place, for him, an old teahouse where he used to go still wet behind the ears. He's curious to see if Crow knows it too.]

[fogbornphantom]

Certainly. I'll meet you there.

[With the compressed distances, it won't be hard at all to find his way there. He's done his best to spruce up. Hair perfectly combed. Concealer to hide any signs of exhaustion.]

[pancakeboy]

[But it takes more than a bit of concealer to hide exhaustion from a careful eye. And Magpie's not the kid who sat nervously in the corner here, any longer. He is in his usual corner, though, in a wicker basket chair; he gets to his feet as Crow approaches.]

Welcome to the world of the living. [His grin loses some of its edge. It really is good to see Crow, not that he'll say so. Even if he looks like shit.

Hanagokoro, by the way, is old; it was founded in the Meiji period, though it's been reinvented several times since. The atmosphere's not unlike Leblanc, with lots of old wood and dim light and quiet—though the place is larger, and clearly caters to a higher class of clientele. Enough so that it might seem odd that Magpie likes it.]

[fogbornphantom]

Unless I'm actually a zombie and I've come to devour your incredible brain.

[Still, despite the joke, Crow makes his way over to Magpie, basking in the atmosphere. A change of scenery is always welcome. A chance to reorient himself just as much.]

[pancakeboy]

[Sitting back down, he folds his elbow over the arm of his chair; a cognition will be over soon to take their order, if he thinks about it hard enough, he's sure. His hand dangles in its glove.]

Really, Crow. You think you can distract me with that?

You're in quite the wrong fake world to be a zombie. [Chitter, chatter.]

[fogbornphantom]

[Crow takes a seat across from him, folding his hands on the tabletop.]

True. And I suppose I'm too good humored to pass as the undead.

[Which is good. He rather likes being alive.]

It's been a while since we've done this, hasn't it?

[An outing, just the two of them.]