[ic] dynamite the dam on the flow

[pancakeboy]

[ooc: subsequent to this.]

With Raven hopefully reassured and now upstairs shepherding the kids, Magpie has swung into action.

The tangible shit is easy—check the first aid kit, start water for tea, make sure the stocks of bottled water, soup and so on are reasonably intact, and that nobody's left an upturned Featherman figure or spiky dinosaur anywhere too immediately lethal.

After a moment's thought, he switches on the kotatsu, even though spring is creeping closer. Then, with everything done that should be done, he checks over everything again, like an anxious hen. It's hard to shock him for long, and he's settling on a response, which is that if Sparrow's Ren wasn't already dead, he'd kill him.

Comments

[unfoggedlotus]

"You're human, Goro," Ren gently corrects him, setting him down on the couch with a kiss. "It's okay to be mad. I was mad, too."

[fogbornphantom]

"I attacked him for no reason. It wasn't going to fix anything." He grimaces, though the kiss makes him go limp, releasing at least some of the tension. "Sparrow counted on me, and I was too slow. I could have seriously hurt his Shadow, which would have hurt him too..."

[pancakeboy]

And Magpie's back, with his arms full of the giant kotatsu quilt, which is radiating warmth. Crow attacked Sparrow's Shadow? Really?

"But you didn't," he points out, sitting at Crow's side to wrap the quilt around him, pressing it to his shoulders and drawing it tight. "Right?"

[unfoggedlotus]

"Even if he did, I think he deserves it a bit," Ren huffs, helping Magpie spread the kotatsu over his boyfriend. "Bitch. Has no ego? Could've fooled me."

[fogbornphantom]

"I was throwing him around, Ren. I was about to maul him." In other words, it was excessive force. Far too much. Extremely unnecessary. Suffice it to say, he's giving his boyfriend a puzzled look.

[pancakeboy]

The revelations are getting weirder by the second. Coming back from the sink with a warm facecloth, he reclaims his seat at Crow's side.

"Here. I've seen Akira-kun in better shape than you after chocolate pudding." He'll wash Crow's face, if he can. Sparrow's Shadow is quite interesting, from what he's heard. "Do you really think your response was disproportionate? Given what happened, it sounds tame."

[unfoggedlotus]

"It's okay for you to snap, sometimes," Ren murmurs, patting his boyfriend's face and nodding at Magpie. He definitely needs some washing up. "No one's perfect. No one needs you to be perfect, either."

[fogbornphantom]

Crow makes no effort to fight Magpie's doting. He just sits there, exhaling softly. "I don't like losing control. I just..."

Beneath the quilt, his hands roll up tight.

"I should have been faster."

[pancakeboy]

"Bullshit," he says, catching Crow's jaw to wipe away the tears. "Honestly, I'm glad you don't go in for snot bubbles. I'm assuming you didn't stop for a picnic on the way down?"

Pat, pat, over Crow's eyes and nose, then down to his hands, wiping each finger in turn.

[unfoggedlotus]

"What, you wanna develop teleportation powers so you can always solve everyone's problems?" Ren spreads out Crow's fingers so Magpie can get at them easier. "It's not your fault."

[fogbornphantom]

"He came to me. Begged me for help, because he couldn't follow. I was the person he trusted to save his Ren, and I wasn't good enough."

His eyes squeeze shut. His hands tremble. He doesn't have the energy to strike his thigh, though. Before long, he goes limp again.

[pancakeboy]

Nngh. Lifting the cloth again, he pats Crow's eyes once, twice. Then, steeling himself, he curls in at Crow's side, gripping his shoulder. Soup will just have to wait.

"You're going in circles. You know that, right?" Over and over, I wasn't good enough. So obsessed with being perfect, necessary, infallible, being wanted most of all... it curses them all, one way or another.

[unfoggedlotus]

Ren catches Crow's hand before he can strike his thigh. "Please...stop hurting yourself," he pleads, quietly. "It's scaring me."

[fogbornphantom]

"...I'm sorry." Shit. More sniffles. Damn it. Why can't he just keep it together? Why can't he just be calm?

"This is so fucking stupid. He's already back. I shouldn't be acting like this. It's not like Konishi-san. It's not like her..."

But still, it hurts. It hurts so much.

[pancakeboy]

Damn it, and he was doing so well not thinking of his mother. Across Crow's face, he tries to catch Ren's eye; Crow will be fine. But what if he's not? whispers a voice inside him; he ignores it, using the hand on Crow's shoulder to pull himself a little closer.

"But you had nothing to do with bringing him back. You didn't predict it, You had no control, isn't that right?" Brown hair, and tears, and powerlessness; his stomach flips over.

[unfoggedlotus]

Ren lets out a shaky breath. "It's okay if you're not okay, Goro," he says, quiet. "It was pretty fucked up. Whether or not he's coming back. You just...don't deserve to suffer for it."

Gently, very very gently, he lifts Goro's hand up and lightly kisses it, then puts it back by his side.

[fogbornphantom]

Stupid tears. Goro buries his face in a gloved hand, just trying to calm his breathing. "I knew about the Shadow. I knew there was a chance." But he couldn't have known when. He couldn't have anticipated everything.

Rationally, they're right. He knows. He really does, it's just...

"It's such a cruel thing to do, leaving Sparrow to worry. I had hoped that my support would have dissuaded him from such recklessness."

[pancakeboy]

"So your support wasn't good enough either?" His hand moves around Crow's back, to his far shoulder; he lets himself lean against Crow's side, hopefully a reassuring weight and not a spiky one.

"Are you planning to blame that Ren for any of this? At some point? It was cruel, and reckless, and endangered both of you, and it was entirely his fault."

He presses the facecloth into Crow's hand.

[unfoggedlotus]

"That Ren wouldn't know how to make a decision that wasn't cruel if it bit his ass, stole his boots, 'n plucked his radishes." A little bit of Ren's latent country rage is slipping into his speech. He doesn't care. "You did your best to lead him to water. Ain't your fault he won't drink."

Ren takes Goro's glove off, twining their ring fingers together.

[fogbornphantom]

...Ren using his accent outside the bedroom? Goodness. That's enough to rouse Crow from his slump if only to send his boyfriend a curious look.

"...Logically, that's sound, but I still feel as though he deserves support because Maruki was the one who put him in that position." He digs the fingers of his other hand in his hair, grumbling in frustration. "So perhaps I am mad at him, but that doesn't mean I want him to suffer. Or that I think he deserved that death."

[pancakeboy]

Despite himself, Magpie squints over Crow's head. After how careful he's been to eliminate all the rough Shitamachi notes from his own speech, he feels a bit exposed. Where the hell did that dialect come from? Does his Ren do that?

"He didn't deserve it," he says, very abruptly, and very aware of his mode of speech. "Excuse me if I reserve judgement on whether he deserved to die. Regardless of that, nothing that happened is your responsibility, Crow. Sometimes, no matter what you do, people die." Ask him anything.

[unfoggedlotus]

Ren grunts, clearing his throat and removing any of the country from his speech under Magpie's stunned look. "Don't care whether or not he deserves it, at the end of the day. All I'm saying is he made his choices and you aren't responsible for them." He kisses the top of Crow's head.

[fogbornphantom]

"Rationally, I know you're both right. Emotionally... it's not so simple." Even so, he accepts the forehead kiss, giving his boyfriend a little nuzzle. "Sorry I'm being so difficult."

It's stupid. They're right. They're absolutely right, yet here he is, all pitiful.

[pancakeboy]

"Well, maybe you're being a little difficult." He squeezes Crow's shoulder. "But that's why we're here. Reinforcing positive messaging, or whatever the hell it is."

He takes his arm back, separating himself from their embrace. "If I bring some soup over, will you drink it, or just stare into it?"

[unfoggedlotus]

"We're here for you," Ren says, not sure what else he can say...then Magpie mentions cooking and Ren's nipping that in the bud. "I can make some comfort food for us...wanna get a movie started?"