pancakeboy | ic inbox [ota]

Ken didn't have anything to answer to that. It wasn't all his fault, but he went there specifically to prevent something like this to happen!

And he failed...

...

He failed his best friend...

"It isn't Ken's fault!" Raven didn't mean to shout, but he had to stick up for his friend. "I didn't tell him until the last minute. The whole operation advanced too swiftly to anticipate things like the malicious AI controlling Falcon after we put his mind to sleep."

He placed a hand over Ken's. "Please. Let's not point fingers. This was difficult for everyone."

Edited 2024-04-13 19:32 (UTC)

"Nobody's pointing fingers." He doesn't let go of Raven's hand, and he doesn't look away from Ken. So ashamed, unable to lift his head; so bonded, already, as much as it still makes Magpie want to cringe. Hasn't he always known that bonds with others are chains?

He lifts his voice a little. "I'm saying it wasn't your fault, Amada-kun. You did what you could, as much as that startles me. And before you can take that the wrong way: nobody does what they can. Or precious few."

Tears welled up in his eyes.

"Please don't sugarcoat it Magpie-san, it's fine. I didn't do what I could, I know I have the power to do better than this. I failed, I just failed, all right?"

His voice broke on the last words, and he was trying really hard to not sob. His next words came really low, barely audible.

"I guess I'm really only good for the thing I was made for, huh? It was stupid of me to believe I could do anything else."

"That's not true!" He squeezed Ken's hand in support. "You are a good friend, and you did what you could. I really do appreciate how much you care, and I'm grateful that you looked out for me.

I don't think Magpie was sugarcoating at all."

Magpie wrinkles his nose. "You don't know me very well if you think I sugarcoat anything. Back home, maybe, but here I find I've lost the taste for it.

"Tell me what it was you were made for," he adds, almost gently. This is it; Amada will either answer, or he won't.

What was he thinking? He never should have given in to Raven. He can only hurt him, he just hurt him, he failed he failed he failed-

He didn't have any worth as a human being. He should stop pretending to be one.

Maybe he should leave? Maybe that would be a good way to fix-

Oh, he said too much. The wrong questions were being asked. He had to leave.

Tears falling on the ground, an aura of dread flaring up for half a second, a hand being torn away from, the black consumed Ken, and he now was gone.

Edited 2024-04-13 21:52 (UTC)

"Ken, wait!"

Raven lunges forward, tries to reach for his friend, but it's too late. He's just gone.

For several moments, he just stands there. Tears well in his eyes.

"W-why...?"

He pinches his nose, hiding his face. That certainly was one way it could have gone. you see, you see, he knows what you are and now—

"You should go after him." And Magpie won't be here when he gets back.

"Don't leave."

He growls it out, dead serious.

"I cannot fucking have anyone else leave, okay?!"

Shit, he has had just about enough of fucking children manipulating him tonight. Or you'll do what, Goro?

The words come to his lips and hang there, choking him, like that chain that is their bond is on his neck. He presses his hand to his eyes. "I said you should go after him. He'll be in Iwatodai, I expect. Probably Tartarus, if the moon is full. Familiar ground."

"And how do I know you'll still be here? I have fucking had it today!"

Shit. He's still shouting. Can't keep it cool.

Stay, then, and let him go. Who cares what happens to him? We don't need anyone else. But something far beneath the pride and envy, the claustrophobia and fear, glows inside him with a soft little light: Stay. Don't leave.

He hisses through his teeth. "Where is it you think I'm going to go? I doubt Igor will be so obliging as to send me home." But his tone weakens; he gives way. "Of course I'll be here, Raven. Go. Find your—friend."

"Thank you." His voice softens, and he rubs his eyes. "I... I'll try to be back soon."

He pauses, looking at the stairs.

"If Amamiya-kun or the children ask, I'll be back soon."

"Never mind that. If you aren't back soon, I'll come after you." He gets up, meaning to go to his bedroom, or at least step outside to carry on tearing what just happened—and the last nine months—apart six different ways. But then, seeing the streaks around Raven's eyes, his face screws up.

Eventually, begrudgingly, he forces it out: "Stay safe."

Raven looks. He looks everywhere he can. He runs and he runs. He even sent a text. He tries so hard, but eventually, he just... can't.

Eventually, he texts Magpie back:

Can't find him. I don't know what to do. I want to keep looking, but my legs hurt.

It catches Magpie in the middle of polishing his misanthropy to ever-sharper points.

Where are you?

Outside Gekkoukan. Dark Hour's over now. Tartarus is too big.

All right. You've done all you can. Come back. I'll meet you halfway.

Okay.

It's a bit hard, dragging himself back. All that running in Tartarus took its toll, but he does his best to make a direct return to the best of his abilities.

When Magpie does find him, he'll notice how Raven is dragging his feet and that his eyes are rather red.

While it's dark enough that it's hard to see much, there's no mistaking the way Raven is dragging himself along.

Magpie comes up beside him, focusing hard on how much this is everyone's fault but his. "There you are. Come on, let's get you back."

He doesn't say home.

Raven, too exhausted from everything, ends up almost falling against Magpie. He sniffles a little. Rubs his eyes with the back of a sleeve.

"Thank you."

His voice is hoarse. It hasn't been a fun day.

Though he flinches at first, he ends up putting an arm around Raven as they walk. Stupid name that it is. He should have been Raven.

"You should hardly be thanking me, after everything."

Don't mind the clinging. It's been such a long day. Such a painfully exhausting day.

"I think you pushed him too hard... but you just wanted to look out for me."

Shit. He's sniffling again. Stupid tears. Stupid feelings.

"I wish I was stronger..."

"That's the last thing you should want. Get too strong too fast, and you'll end up like him."

He takes another few steps in the dark. "Or me."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject