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Ugh. He doesn't even dignify that with an answer. Scooting across the bed, he lifts the quilt for Raven, grumbling as he goes. "You need to worry far less about me, and far more about yourself."

Edited 2024-04-14 19:02 (UTC)

Raven wriggles under the quilt, nestling close. Nice and close. Magpie is comforting. Magpie is safe. "You're important to me, so of course I'm worried."

It's also easier than worrying about himself. So much easier.

After a moment, he slides an arm around Raven's shoulders, pulling him in, more practiced than he used to be. All those long nights in their shared futon, with his mother's back cold and hard and turned to him.

"Everyone's important to you," he murmurs, into brown hair that's still almost baby-soft.

"Not everyone. There are plenty of people back home that I dislike." Still, the cuddling is nice. Warm. Secure. "Just because I have multiple connections doesn't put you in jeopardy. I would say that you are still the person here I've connected with the most."

Which is important to emphasize. Magpie deserves that security.

He makes a noncommittal sound. "Always so convinced I'm insecure. I have eyes, you know. It would take something dramatic to dislodge you." Dramatic things, of course, are well within his power.

"I'm concerned for your safety, which is different. And which you deserve." Ha, take that. The tip of his nose brushes inadvertently against Raven's hair.

"I know. You just want to ensure that others won't hurt me." A little whisper of a sigh slips from him. "I don't take it for granted, especially in light of everything I learned."

The dreams he'd requested. It was all rather eye opening.

"Still coming to terms with it, hm?" Maybe he should ask for some dreams of his own. But who's to say they would even be true? The visions of the future he's had so far—that visit from future Ren, and Okumura's words—have been far from promising. Plus, the thought of asking Igor....

But Raven is small and warm against him, so it's hard to get too mad.

"Trying to fit the memories in after so many months here has been... interesting. It at least gave me some perspective on matters back home. I 'left' in a better place with regards to my teammates, so I suppose that's comforting."

Though it's odd, after so long apart. So many months of memories here. But it is warm here. It's secure. Nothing can hurt him here. "There's just so much I've experienced here. Things I've learned, connections I've forged... I'm really not the person I was all those months ago."

That's the funny thing about time and experience.

Despite himself, his mouth twists briefly at the mention of teammates. "You do seem different. I'm not sure I could quite put my finger on it. Though something tells me tonight would have gone differently, a month ago."

"I hope I'm not too different." It's been a worry of his. A nagging anxiety. "Even now, it's... strange. The memories feel less... attached? Compared to the ones I've built here. I have the knowledge of what happened, but it feels slightly more at an arm's length."

Huh. He stills, with his hand cradling Raven's shoulder. "Ren said something about that."

Not Crow's Ren, of course; his Ren, at the Hallowe'en party. The only one; the real one.

Edited 2024-04-15 22:09 (UTC)

"I don't know if it's because I'm still fitting the memories into place or not. I can recall them rather easily if I think about it. The feelings associated with them, both good and bad, are easy enough to reach."

His brow wrinkles in concentration as he tries to search for the right words.

"Perhaps it's time. I left Inaba on May 1st and spent many months here before I asked Igor for the dreams, which encompass slightly more than a month's worth of new memories. Comparatively, it's a smaller slice of temporal space."

"I still can't believe you just ask and he gives things to you. You saw how successful that was for me." You're not to bring him here.

"Maybe he's more lenient with children?" He shrugs. "My world's Igor-san certainly took his time welcoming me into the Velvet Room, but I suppose I wasn't in the greatest emotional state at the start. Not that I'd call myself 'well-adjusted' even now. I'm not Crow levels of... whatever he qualifies as."

Wait. He leans up on an elbow, looking down. "He gave you the Velvet Room? Already?"

"Well, eventually. I had to completely lower my walls, completely accept Yu and the others as friends and comrades, and embrace every little bit of vulnerability in my heart as a part of me, so to call it simple would be a vast understatement."

A wry, dry chuckle sneaks out of him. "It's funny. I had a much easier time here than I would have at home. There, even after they all offered words of support to me and my Shadow, it still wasn't enough. After we saved Kanji, I deliberately threw myself into the TV to force Yu and everyone else to pursue me and show me how much they cared."

...Hm, come to think of it. "Crow probably already told you this, didn't he? But perhaps that's part of the disconnect as well. When I do return home, I'll have much stronger Personas, Loki included. ...Not that I'm in any rush to leave, obviously."

"As little as that." He flops back down, listening; if he has to embrace Ren and his pack of hangers-on, he'll never get the damned thing. Like he never mattered at all.

He glances back at Raven, considering him. "But when are you going back to? The moment you left? Or the moment you remember? That will pose your new teammates a puzzle."

"As I understand it, my timeline will branch regardless, so it really is just a matter of when I land in the end. I may have to ask Amamiya-kun when he was pulled from to gain a better understanding of his place in the timeline."

Granted, he doesn't even live in Inaba, but they share a world code. That's not insignificant. "I don't anticipate asking for too many of those dreams, at least. I really just wanted to gain more clarity and see everyone again, if only briefly."

He pauses. "...Relatively briefly. The discrepancy between real time and dream time is strange."

Again, he remembers what Ren told him. "Because you have two sets of memories. One you lived, and one not."

"I suppose that's one way to put it." Hmm... This might be a sensitive question, all things considered. "How did it feel, memorywise, when you changed back? You retained everything you experienced here as a child, but did you have to slide everything into place, or was it simply just... there?"

Now that's an interesting question; he almost smiles. "It's there, I suppose. But not the same as you describe. I lived both sets of experiences, just as if I'd come here at twelve, and returned. I don't have memories I never lived.

"The new set feels much more recent, though," he adds, with a bit of a growl that hums through him because fuck Jiro, "and that's for the best."

"I imagine if your younger counterpart returned, you wouldn't have a memory link. To be honest, I think the only reason that I still have one with Crow is because I haven't actually left yet, and thus haven't 'branched off,' as it were."

Which... well, obviously, it has its ups and downs. "I highly suspect Ren is now sharing the 'pain' of secondhand memories. The way he behaved when Amamiya-kun arrived was... odd, to say the least."

"Yes, he is. Between you and me, you understand." Why are they keeping it secret from their younger counterparts? That has to be doomed to fail.

"I feel like it's a foregone conclusion. We share a world code, and he knows Crow and Ren are a couple." It... hasn't really caused problems, yet, but hm. "Thus far, I'm just trying to keep it as natural and comfortable as possible. I want to get to know him as he is now. Not who he'll be in five years."

He stretches a little, flexing his legs. "I'm sure at this point Crow would tell you not to overthink it, and take each day as it comes. I, however, will tell you to overthink the hell out of it all. Since you will anyway."

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fogboundcrow - 2024-04-15 23:30 (UTC) - Expand