pancakeboy | ic inbox [ota]

Yes. He said he wants to "referee" next time, and that it would be a very "stimulating" experience.

He's also calling you my not-husband (thanks Raven) and even said

[Oh god. This is painful. So, so awkward...]

"Maybe I could come around to the idea of two at once."

He was joking, mostly, but I am informing you so you can prepare yourself for how weird my boyfriend is.

I love him, but he is a lot for the uninitiated.

[What the fuck. What the fuck. Ren isn't like that, is he? Surely Akechi would know?]

Crow, I'm only going to ask this once, out of mutual respect for our shared "not-husband"-ness, or whatever we're referring to it as. Do you need an intervention? I'm happy to do whatever's required.

What are we referring to it as, anyway? Perhaps finding a proper term would combat the marital accusations.

But no, it's actually fine. Ren just has a bizarre sense of humor. He's actually very sweet.

He also fully intends to not let me wake up before noon tomorrow, evidently including cooking and handling the kids. I may need a convenient distraction to escape the imposed containment zone.

Edited 2023-10-12 03:57 (UTC)

Or you could sleep till noon. I didn't run all this food in for nothing, you know. We're allies, I thought. Is that not enough in some way?

I think he appreciates the food, by the way. We're grabbing takoyaki just so he doesn't starve, but at least this way he won't have to worry about meals when he's just arrived. Evidently he went five hours fretting over me before he got dragged here, though I can't say with certainty if it's because a very slow passage of time or simply because Kirijo-san wished to follow up on our recent success in the Metaverse.

Either way, we're obviously allies, but I can see a point that games of gay chicken, me bringing you soup at night, and us being so snug together might be beyond a mere alliance.

Either way, it's not my intention to impose something like what Ren joked about upon you. What we have is entirely its own beast. It may not even need a conventional label?

[There is a word for it. It starts with "f", and he doesn't care to use it.]

We're just two harmonious quantum probabilities, slightly entangled. Perhaps before long we'll start to read each other's thoughts. [And now for something completely different...]

Speaking of gay chicken, I take it you're getting laid soon.

[Wow. Way to get to the point, Magpie. Give him a moment.]

He is interested in it, but his bigger priority right now is making sure I rest and ensuring that things go smoothly with the children.

It's so annoying. Junes had a movie poster. Take a wild guess what it was.

Is the reason I don't already have a picture of it that you were naked?

[Very reluctantly, he sends the photo of that fucking "Serpent Below the Belt" poster.]

I make one pretentious euphemism late at night, and this world has decided to plaster it in plain sight. It's just as bad as those gay chicken mascot plushies with our hair.

Ren thought it was hilarious, though.

[Okay, that actually is hilarious. And there isn't even anyone he likes enough to forward it to, if you exclude children and girls.]

Fetching. I like it. That's a radiant shade of pink.

It explains how the shapeshifting Akira knew about it and texted me the other night.

Ren did make some quips about being a "snake charmer," because of course he did.

But perhaps he'll tone down the eccentricities with you. I did explain to him that you have a different demeanor than me (obviously without going into your life story, as that is confidential). His jokes and quips are fine between us because we're dating and we know each other well enough to know that it's all in good fun, but you have your own boundaries and sensibilities.

Edited 2023-10-12 04:28 (UTC)

Indeed. Dear me, imagine where we might be now if we'd known how accepting he could be. I'm sure at least one of us would be dead.

You and your macabre sense of humor.

If you need me to pass anything along, I can. Just so he gets the proper expectations for first contact.

I'd ask how Raven is doing, but the memory link renders that rather moot. Grumpy dessert eating seems to be his coping mechanism of choice.

Yes, I spoiled him. I rather figured you were self-spoiling, at present. Obviously you know he's disturbed. I haven't seen the children yet. It's likely best if you talk to Akira, before introducing your "tuft of feathers" into the mix. I'm happy to speak with Hawk myself.

Correction: I'm his tuft of feathers.

The shapeshifting Akira (who I really need a better nickname for) is apparently talking to Akira-kun. That bodes well, I think.

It's funny. Akira-kun called me his Onii-san the other day. I think we made genuine headway in him breaking from the horrible expectations the adults in his life placed upon him. I think that will help.

[His lips purse, reading the text. What was it he did so wrong, for nobody at all to take an interest in him? What else could he have done? Not even his mother had....

Enough of that shit. He replies with something trite and meaningless.]

Of course we should do what we can for them, when possible. I'm sure they'll be fine, with so many invested in their wellbeing. But they'll go home before long, and I suspect nothing will change. I was happy at his age, believe it or not.

But the more we can do for them here, the better equipped they'll be when the time comes.

Your concerns regarding Hawk's mother are valid, and I haven't forgotten.

I'm just not sure where to begin. How do we even put it in a way that won't crush his spirits?

I still suspect he knows. That he's more than prepared for it, as much anyone can be. He is one of us, after all. I had plans for when she vanished. I dreamed of it. They were just—[totally inadequate, utterly unequal to the fact of her loss]—based on my limited knowledge. Regardless, this is beside the point, which is convincing him that *you* aren't about to vanish. Which I'm sure he's also imagined.

I won't leave him.

If anything, it'll just mean there's another man around the house. Someone else to cook meals and keep the children entertained when one of us is too tired or busy to do so.

It's addition, not subtraction.

[Addition, not subtraction? Hardly. Someone's always elbowed out, and that person's always him. It's just a fact; attention is zero-sum, and no matter how essential you make yourself, it turns out it's never enough.]

But we must make him understand that. Your commitment isn't enough. You have to demonstrate it with your actions.

What would you recommend, then?

Not just for Hawk. I want to prove it to you, too.

[Is it unfair to point at Magpie like this? Perhaps. But it has been worrying him a bit.]

This isn't about me.

[It is not about him, and he will not have it made about him. ~~it's totally about him~~]

You need to *be there*. Every day. Every time he needs you. Not Ren, *you*. You're the one who made promises, and you're the one he trusts. You have the chance to be his model, I suppose, for what an adult should be. If it sounds like a lot, perhaps you'd like to take on what I do instead.

Of course I'll be there. Just because Ren is with me now doesn't change the fact that these children are my responsibility. Ren simply feels I need to give myself breaks. He thinks I've worked myself into the ground and wants to help. Not replace.

It doesn't erase our alliance. It doesn't erase anything I've done before.

That would be like me abandoning the rest of the Thieves to elope (which I didn't do), or me forgetting about my Inaba family (which I also didn't do, by the way).

But don't think for a moment that Hawk doesn't value you, too.

[Carefully, he unpicks his hand from around his phone, before the thing cracks in half.]

Ren is not wrong that you've worked yourself into the ground. This has been an issue for some time. It's exactly that stepping-back on your part, combined with the arrival of someone else important to you, that's why we need to handle the children with such care. It would make most sense for me to take Hawk while that Akira takes Akira-kun. That way, neither of them learns before the other.

I agree, of course. And I assure you that I don't plan to step back so far that I cease to be a part of their lives. That's the exact reason I've failed to take more time for myself. They understand if it's you. You might as well be part of the family yourself.

But solo time...

I've been hesitant for a number of reasons. I admit, I've had... well, to even call them "foster parents" would be putting it far too generously. But the last home I had before Dojima-san took me in, they would often leave me behind to retreat, often locking me out. Perhaps I did mention this before; I can't quite recall. But I've been scared that I'd be no better if I did take that time for myself.

I know a healthy work/life balance is important. Sonomura-san has stated as much. Even Naoto-san and Kirijo-san have had moments of concern.

But yes, you can speak to Hawk. I suppose that would leave Raven with Moth?

Edited 2023-10-12 13:46 (UTC)

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