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You did. And I probably would have, too, if I had nothing else to live for.

[He follows along, sighing as he steps. At least he can walk now.]

I was on the verge of giving up on, well, everyone. Years of suffering in silence. The only reason I didn't end it was because I wanted to spite the world that destroyed her. I wanted to live long enough to make Shido pay. To acknowledge what he threw away.

[He shakes his head.]

I still think about it, sometimes. Dojima-san told me once- Shido isn't my father, but a "glorified sperm donor." It's a nice thought, but whether directly or indirectly, he's still made his mark. And I'm not like my older self, who's had years to "get better," or whatever happened to make him so confident. I'm just me, but I'm trying to be a 'me' I can be happy with.

[...]

But that's easier said than done, isn't it?

[But no; he clenches his fist, almost drawing to a halt. Why shouldn't he just fucking shoot him? Take that Evoker into the Diet and bring it down around both their ears? Because if ever there was a worthless piece of shit that needed to die, surely Shido tops the list? After everyone who's died on his orders, at Akechi's hands? Or as good as?

I won't be weak anymore. His spine stiffens as he walks.

Maybe that part of him that won't just shoot his father dead is the part everyone's so convinced he should "nurture". The part they think is the real him, and all the rest accreted from outside, like a caddisfly cocoon. But they're wrong. He didn't build his cocoon from what he found; he span it himself, from what was inside him. A night-flying moth, with smiling faces on its wings.

He's still made his mark. I'm just me, but I'm trying to be a me I can be happy with. I wanted to spite the world that destroyed her.

He sighs. Turns around, with a glare. But younger-Akechi is adept at seeing through him, and should see it for what it is.]

Are you coming?

[Yes, he can see through the glare. In fact, it makes him chuckle. He keeps following.]

Doesn't that go without saying?

[Given everything he said while going wild under that power's influence? Obviously, he's coming.]

After all, I believe you still owe me a meal.

You're as bad as I was at your age.

[They've crossed the street; he props the door of his building open for younger-him, with two fingers.]

Get a meal out of someone once, and they'll never be rid of you.

[And once again, down in that place where the ledgers are kept, the same girl's voice sounds, puzzled, on butterfly wings. Death, rank 1, potential. Death, rank 1, potential. But why are there two of them? Where are these coming from so suddenly?

The elderly voice laughs again. I'm sure there are as many as there need to be. Our Tricksters are like that. You shouldn't worry so much, Lavenza.]

Edited 2023-09-24 03:26 (UTC)

Just for that, I bet my older self is already scheming ways to rope you into another one of his meals.

[It's said in jest, but, naturally he'll follow along. He needs to clean up, anyway, before they can go anywhere. A shower. Tooth brushing. His hair could use some refinement, too.

But at least now that the worst of it has passed, they can hopefully enjoy the meal. They've both earned it, really.]

[So it's later—though not much later—that the two of them are perched at the counter of what was a fashionable Kichijoji diner in the real world, and here feels rather like someone built it from Pego bricks. And he has a plate of pancakes perched in front of him, because after the morning he's had, he can eat whatever the hell he wants to.]

We're almost getting into a routine. Wreck ourselves, eat breakfast.

[He is not the only one with a ridiculous pancake stack, although this boy has gone all out, with berries and a chocolate drizzle because after everything that has happened, he is going to enjoy himself.

Well, at least the quip gets a chuckle out of him.]

Kanji-san was a bit concerned after I had texted him. He told me that my little escapade was a bit too close to Shirogane-san's own antics.

[Heh.]

Did you know that he apparently appeared on TV for an interview just to get kidnapped?

[At this moment, he is less enthused by the first Detective Prince than he has ever been.]

I did know that. During the Inaba investigation. The Midnight Channel, correct?

[His own pancake stack has a fried egg on top; he stabs the thing, and it leaks yolk all down the side.]

I can understand the logic behind it. A pattern of disappearances linked to recent media appearances. It's reckless as hell, but considering he survived the encounter...

[Oh, shit. He brings a hand over his face.]

If it's any consolation, I don't plan to get kidnapped here. Or repeat what I did with the Shadow. I got my answers, but it really was a gamble with my own life.

Yes. You were absolutely stupid and reckless. [He forks a bit of pancake and egg away from the heap.] So well done, I suppose. Couldn't have done better myself.

[Because really, who is he to talk to anyone about throwing their life away? A version of him, least of all?]

You must have thought those answers were worth it, or you'd never have bothered. [The pancake looks utterly unappetising. He sets down his fork and sips the miso soup that came with it, instead.]

I wanted to make up for driving it away. I wanted to get answers for you and prove I was capable.

[He takes another overly sugary bite. Is it rich? Yes. Does he care? Not particularly. Everything is free, and he is going to take advantage of that.]

...it worked, obviously, but I didn't consider how it would affect you or my older self.

[Sigh...]

I suppose I'll just have to take it as a learning experience.

[Again, he hears the kid's voice dragging. Am I good enough yet? For fuck's sake.]

And what did you learn? [He shovels the bit of pancake and egg into his mouth. It tastes like sand.]

Obviously, not to confront high level Shadows alone when there's no guarantee that sentimentality will save my skin.

[The chocolate and the berries and the fluffy pancakes are just so much. He pauses, briefly contemplating sharing. It seems Magpie isn't enjoying his quite as much.]

But I suppose on another level, it made me realize how little I truly know in the grand scheme of things. Even the Inaba murders, Kanji-san knows more due to being from the end of it all, while my older self obviously has come a long way... Which I think really is part of the reason I struggle to connect sometimes.

Do you have that problem, too? It's not that I hate him, or I'm unhappy for him. It's just hard to see a path from point A to point B.

[Does he have that problem? He's living and breathing that problem. But does he want to discuss it? With the kid?

He stabs his fork into the egg again, leaving it upright like funeral incense: splat. Fuck every adult who never had to tell him how to act at the table, right in the eye with that fork.]

Sometimes. Everyone here is from different times, obviously. Different timelines. [He glimpses the benign smile of the idiot across the corridor.]

Adjusting my path for the best result is—challenging. [His voice drops briefly to a growl.] I know what I want. What I've worked for. What I'd pay.

It just turns out the best result isn't what I thought.

It's daunting, seeing your future right in front of you. Or what could be your future. Or any number of possibilities...

[He skewers one of the berries with his fork.]

A part of me worried, you know? Call me naive, but I truly do appreciate what we have. I wasn't sure about my older self, but he trusted you with that strange gun.

[...]

I suppose one of us should call him and inform him that I'm all right now. ...Even if he probably knows because I can't go one minute without transferring memories to him.

You're right. You are naïve, a sitting duck. But I'm not in a position to judge you for that. [He takes the little soup bowl back up, gives it a half-hearted stir.]

Why are we calling older-you, anyway? He listens in on all our conversations, as you say. Let him call us. [And he knocks back the soup, not quite sure who he's disgusted at.]

[Rrrrring, rrrrrring! Guess who it is? It's your boy, Crow.]

I'm glad to see it worked out. It's also good to see that my younger self's awakening wasn't quite the disaster that mine was, where Loki is concerned.

[Was there a lot of screaming? Yes. Did it work out? Also yes.]

So, do you happen to have any plans today? We were thinking of gathering at the local beach. You both could probably use a little levity after all of that.

[He lifts the phone to his ear with the air of the remarkably put-upon.]

Are you trying to stick me with babysitting? [Not you, Raven. You probably have it figured out, after all that shit this morning.]

Edited 2023-09-24 23:08 (UTC)

I'm trying to encourage you to relax. I'll be there, and I can 'babysit' just fine.

[He chuckles, clearly amused by his counterpart's grouchiness.]

Don't you think you've earned a reprieve, considering everything that's transpired?

[As they talk, "Raven" watches intently, but he dares not interrupt the adults as they talk.]

Why would I find a beach relaxing? [Honestly.]

It's all ... sand and salt. Nothing to do. It'll wreck my hair. And I'll burn.

[Aka, all that shit he does in the morning, to which both the other Akechis are now privy.]

You have no idea how much my face is insured for. Shit, that was some bullshit.

I brought sunscreen, there are volleyball nets set up, there's an ocean to swim in, and free food. We may even set off some fireworks if you wish to watch something burn and explode.

[Come on. Isn't that enticing? Live a little, Magpie.]

[... but he glances over at Raven. Explosions are enticing.]

I want an exemption from any and all babysitting obligations. Bar lifeguarding. That sounds suitably ironic.

I'll try my best to keep the little ones on their best behavior.

[Raven's still watching them, one hand on his chin as he nibbles on his breakfast.]

I figured that since we haven't had time to coordinate the Diet Building just yet, we can use today to kickstart celebrations for Raven. An appetizer before the main event.

[... huh. He hits the mute button pointlessly, just to be annoying, and glances at Raven.]

Are we reckoning that you're already past your birthday? Or is this premature?

...Oh.

[He squints for a moment, racking his brain.]

It was May 1st when I came to this place, and I believe it's been at least a month, so...

[Damn.]

Shit. I turned thirteen without realizing it?!

cw: light suicide mention

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