pancakeboy | the boy in the belfry

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the boy in the belfry

In the end, Akechi comes out of Mementos into the Shibuya night, walks past the people still making for the station, and sits in the shadows, on a bench under the trees. Nobody notices him; a lot of the people passing are drunk, and couldn't see a metre in front of their face.

Shido had dragged him out for a psychotic breakdown, of course. And it was fun, they're always fun, they're funny. Except for this one he'd also been really fucking angry; even getting to the target had almost killed him. That thing inside him that's not Loki, exactly, but is like Loki; the thing that's always in chains, and can't quite spread its wings. Akechi gives it a little prod every time he fights, to see what it will do.

And it's him, of course, just like Loki is him, deep down. Why shouldn't he hurt things? Shadows aren't fucking real. Even a person's shadow isn't them. And yet there's always that chain on his neck, fine gold rather than a prison shackle, whispering control.

For the first time, he consciously thinks about Ren, reaching for his phone. This time it's the gold chain that tightens on his neck, as he types from memory.

"In the moment a captive lion steps out of his cage, he possesses a wider world than the lion who has known only the wilds. While he was in captivity, there were only two worlds to him; the world of the cage, and the world outside the cage. Now he is free. He roars. He attacks people. He eats them. yet he is not satisfied, for there is no third world that is neither the world of the cage nor the world outside the cage."

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[ Ren has been to the bathhouse in the meantime, and sat there thinking and synthesizing all the new things he's seen and learned about Akechi today. From the glimmers of honest feeling in the jazz club to the look on Akechi's face after he made Ren come. Like he was waiting for something, and Ren holding out his hand to him wasn't it. Ren can guess, maybe, what kind of response he might have been expecting.

He's at his desk, feeling his way carefully around a new kind of elemental bomb in a bid to distract himself from wondering whether Akechi is okay, when his phone goes off. He sets everything aside and opens it, in hopes that it's Akechi finally texting him back. He angles his phone away from Morgana, who sulks, as he opens the chat.

And—well. That sure is a text. ]

glad youre ok sorry its not satisfying to eat ppl tho

[The corner of his mouth twitches, and he goes all-out with the honesty. Because why the fuck not, Ren doesn't know what's going on.]

Oh, it's more satisfying than you know. Sorry I had to leave so suddenly. Work calls me at odd times, sometimes. ["Work". Yeah.]

[ Hm. Ominous. One more little scrap of very bad circumstantial evidence in tenuous support of Ren's "maybe the black mask is behind the mental shutdowns and/or psychotic breakdowns?" theory, which is based on nothing much besides the fact that there can't be that many people running around the Metaverse, and those incidents seem a lot like they're related to people's shadows.

But never mind that. ]

dont worry about it the perils of dating a detective

[ He's almost certain that it was not detective work that called Akechi away. ]

True. Can't call my life my own.

[He thinks for a moment.]

Guess where I am.

[ A game, huh? A palace is Ren's immediate thought, but firstly, Akechi wouldn't be able to text him, and secondly, he wouldn't just say that. ]

HMM sitting alone in a dimly-lit diner pining for me

Please. If it was that, I'd never tell you so. Guess better.

[He is not sitting on a bench pining, either.]

[ He can see the look on Akechi's face as if he were here. He smiles. A glance over his shoulder and a brief conversation has Morgana finishing the bomb he started. ]

outside the hideout of the phantom thieves, about to stage a raid

[ He's pretty sure that's not true. It had better not be, anyway, with this bomb out on his desk. ]

[That gets a grin: if only.]

Me and half the Special Unit, yes. [Tokyo's SWAT equivalent.]

I'll give you one more try.

[The leaves whisper quietly above his head. A man staggers past, dragging a laughing woman in a short skirt by the wrist.]

at home in bed...?

[ This is a joke, mostly. ]

Wish you were here? No, sadly not. I'm looking at Buchiko. Missed the last train. [It's about 1am.]

[ Ren sits up. ]

wait seriously do you want me to come get you

[ Not that he can drive. But he can call a taxi as well as anyone else, and it's not that far from Yongen-Jaya to...

...to Shibuya Station. Was he in Mementos? ]

Edited 2023-03-08 01:59 (UTC)

[Shut up, he's not hinting.]

No, I'll get a taxi when I'm ready. You worry too much. It's nice here at this hour, you know. Quiet. Dark. No dodging and weaving. [The crowds.]

when i came to tokyo ppl told me id get mugged if i went out after dark

[ By "people" he means the one elderly neighbor who wasn't too afraid or repulsed to talk to him. ]

Did you believe them? Anyway, I'm a detective. If I get mugged my revenge will last six generations or more.

[ That second text... too real. ]

i didnt know what to believe lol it seemed a little sensationalized but id never been to tokyo. for all i knew there were gang wars every night and i was scared

[ Nah. He deletes that. ]

You're more likely to get mugged here than you were in Ibaraki. But honestly, the risk is still low. Nobody is even looking at me. Perhaps I should sing something. [Lol. As if.]

if ur going to sing open a video chat first

[Something is weird about that text. Hm.]

I'm not singing. I didn't think you could drive. Would you really have ridden to my rescue?

id have called a taxi and valiantly sat in the passenger seat as it drove to ur rescue

At one in the morning?

sure

[He stares at the screen.]

I think you just want to see where I live.

i also want that

[ No point lying about it, although he thinks he's about as likely to actually see Akechi's apartment as Medjed is to change their minds and issue a public apology. ]

but i couldve gotten another taxi home from shibuya if u just wanted some temporary moral support

[Imagine being the kind of trash who needs moral support. He scoffs under his breath.]

You are quite the public servant, aren't you. Don't make the mistake of thinking anything I say when we're fucking is real.

[...that's the only thing I have. The only thing that's yours alone. He'd said it. He'd said it, and—he'd meant it?

In the end, he sends the text uncompleted.]

[ Ren looks down at his phone for a second with a quizzical little smile. Akechi is so strange. ]

or maybe i just like you have u considered that

[ As soon as he sends those messages he deeply regrets it, and quickly follows it up with: ]

actually speaking of that i have a question

[When he realises the edge of his phone is cutting into his hand, he sets it down on his knee.]

Ask.

[ Hm, yeah, that went down about as well as Ren expected. ]

when do u want to meet up again? it doesnt have to be at night. we dont have to fuck, we can just hang out

[ Despite the casual wording, he is nervous. There's a chance that Akechi will say, What do you mean, "we don't have to fuck"? ]

[It does cross his mind. But they used to meet up and not fuck, and it wasn't the... well, things certainly were a lot more controlled back then.]

I'm booked up until next week. [That's to say, phase two of the Medjed plan goes live on Sunday, and Akechi will be seeing Ren then, one way or another. Not to mention Sae.]

When you say "hang out", what do you have in mind? Exactly? [Because Akechi does not "hang out".]

idk. theres a lot of stuff we could do watch a movie, play games, get food, go to the park, see an exhibit, go shopping, go to the batting cages just sit around somewhere and talk its a big city

[Boring, maybe, boring, boring, probably boring... The last one catches his interest.]

Are those the batting cages in Yongen-jaya? I suppose I'm not surprised you go there.

ye better than pull-ups on my splintery ceiling beams

You're like something out of a horror movie. I suppose we could do that. Though I can't guarantee my availability until nearer the time.

[What will you say, when I defeat you? I know you'll look me in the eye. You'll hate me, like you should have known to do all along. That's how this inevitably ends.... whatever this is, it can't ever be real.]

Do you think about the future?

[ The first message makes him grin, a sunny expression he rarely shows to anyone. Too bad Akechi's not here to see it. But the last one... ]

ye sometimes why

[ "The future" can mean a lot of things. Career prospects, college (both more complicated topics than they were eight months ago, before his conviction), his love life, how he's going to take care of his parents when they're old, who's going to take care of him when he's old, the future of the human race... not to mention all the questions about the future of the Phantom Thieves, which only seem to multiply every time they change the heart of a palace ruler. He thinks about it all, usually late at night when he ought to be asleep. ]

[He should have known not to expect more than that; he bites his lip.]

Do you look forward to it?

[ ...he blinks at his phone. ]

idk. no ones asked me that before

[ He looks forward to stuff like freedom from his parents and finding a place where no one knows he was ever a probationer. But other things like leaving Tokyo, the inevitable dissolution of the Phantom Thieves at the end of the school year if not sooner... not really. ]

its hard to give one answer when the future has so much stuff in it i used to be afraid of it but now its more of a mixed bag i guess? what about you

[He knew this one would be turned back on him, if he asked it.]

Very much so, in parts. Less so, in others.

[The time is coming when the noose he has around Shido's neck will finally close, after all. But before that, there's another noose to close, inevitably. And after that..?

Station Square is silent and deserted around him.]

"Goro Akechi" wouldn't tell you this. You know that guy. He'll say anything. But when I look at the future, I see very little. I don't know that I see a place for myself in the adult world. Is that something you understand?

[ He examines the message for flattery and, indeed, finds some suspicious turns of phrase. But he also sees, or at least is pretty sure he sees, a genuine lack of hope that resonates with him. ]

yeah partly bc of my record but i felt that way before all that happened like in order to have a place there i would have to cut pieces off of myself until i fit

[He knows it's flattering—that Akechi's confiding in him, never mind anything else. But—and this is the weirdest part—he means it, too. At some point, he's come to believe the betrayal in this little tangle of bodies goes only one way.

Of course, Ren knows shit all about him. But perhaps that wouldn't even make a difference. Perhaps Akechi really could tell him everything, and then fuck him with his mask truly off.]

I don't think I've ever done that. [He believes this.] You understand how it is. "Goro Akechi" will always have a place, no matter how fleeting fame is. That's a good thing to know. But there are times when the person I've become feels like a prison. Tonight was one of those times.

[ Ren doesn't say he's sorry, because it'll be misconstrued. But he knows the feeling, to some extent. It turns out that's the danger of making yourself something different to everyone. You're constantly switching back and forth and back and forth between masks, with no time to stop and breathe except when you're asleep and sometimes not even then.

What about the person Akechi has become felt like a prison tonight, though? Because Ren's pretty damn sure it wasn't the Detective Prince. ]

if u ever need to do a prison break hmu we can go to a 24hr arcade and i can win back my honor after my poor billiards performance or a 24hr batting cage. those must exist

[ If he uses the right language, maybe Akechi will take it in the spirit that it's meant and not get touchy about the fact that Ren is offering to help him. ]

[It's not hard to accept in the spirit it's meant; anything more emotional would have irritated him.]

Get on a plane and fly to Hawai'i, perhaps? Live on the beach. Though I think I'd like a faster pace than that. Maybe I'll get a motorcycle. See the world on that.

[Talk about dreaming of things you can't possibly have. Akechi isn't even allowed to keep his passport.]

if u want to go to the beach we can do one here big sunglasses and a new hairstyle and youll be incognito. proven strategy though not if ur swim trunks are monogrammed

[Nobody ever gets the monogram, though he's seen a few foreigners staring at it. Imagine that, though—just sitting on the beach with his hair tied back.]

Don't start about my underwear, Ren. I saw you staring at it. Or maybe that's not so much what you were staring at? I guess, if I went to the beach, I'd just sit and read. Not too good company.

oh i was staring at the whole package as it were

[ He couldn't resist, okay. ]

and chilling on the beach is a time-honored activity we could both read. or i could sleep in the sun imagine if we went to the beach and i got a tan. id be a different person

[... he turns a little bit pink. Plus, the beach thing is a weird thought. Like, if Akechi wasn't Akechi, and Ren wasn't Joker, and the two of them could just go to the beach and ... hang out. Not entirely unpleasing.]

That sounds right. Blisters from the tip of your nose to anywhere you left uncovered. I burn easily enough, so you must have some stories. That's one of the worst parts of the celebrity business, you know. I have to worry about that shit. [And yet, he doesn't want to give it up.]

i fell asleep in my backyard when i was seven middle of the afternoon blisters everywhere. horrible cream all over my skin every few hours for days i wasnt even tan afterwards i went right back to being pasty

[He stares at the message. When he was seven he'd still been living with his first aunt, still been puzzling things out in silence. Nobody would have noticed if he fell asleep in the yard, either.]

I suppose I could put sunblock on you. That might solve a good many of your problems. It could take a while, if you want to run about without your shirt.

[A pair of police officers walk past and look at him. Akechi gives them an unfocused pleasant-boy smile, and they move on.]

if u started putting lotion on me wed never make it to the beach

[ Like. That's just a fact. ]

[There are worse things to talk and think about, after all.]

That doesn't sound so bad. We have unfinished business, after all. Two policemen just walked past and stared at me. Not sure if they recognised me, or thought I was up to something.

[ God, don't remind him. He was so close to being fucked. Tied up and everything. ]

did u give them ur detective prince smile like this °˖✧◝(⌒‿⌒)◜✧˖°

I'd say that's missing some glitter.

[He thinks for a moment, then cuts and pastes with a grin.]

°♥*♡∞:✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡.｡◝(⌒‿⌒)◜｡.｡*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:∞♡*♥

Edited 2023-03-09 03:21 (UTC)

im impressed theyre still standing after an assault from such a powerful detective prince smile

There you have it. My secret path to world domination. Of course, it didn't work on you. Or maybe it worked too well.

[Because Ren always made him feel a little... watched, a little on guard, right from the start when Akechi had questioned him across the studio. But that's just Ren's nature.]

[ Hm... He thinks back to the first couple of times he saw the smile in question. ]

its not that it didnt work on me exactly it made me wonder what was underneath it. thats why it was compelling being bludgeoned by the mystery instead of by ur radiant charisma

[ Akechi-kun, you have the most radiant charisma. Or whatever it was that host said, with so much goddamn enthusiasm. He doesn't know how Akechi kept a straight face. ]

Don't. I hear that so often. I don't know how I keep a straight face for it.

[Or rather—he does; he knows exactly. It's almost the opposite of what he's doing now. And it makes him feel strangely warm from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.]

A serious question, though. Aren't you shocked by what's underneath it?

[Because there's a lot more that he could show, and won't. But seriously, he doesn't think Ren can have expected what he's seen.]

[ Well, the answer to that question is no, Ren kind of saw it coming. But the reason for that is not to be spoken of. And so: ]

not really maybe surprised but shocked has such a bad connotation and i kind of thought you had a side like that like.. i was trying to figure out who you are when you arent detective princing, u know? and i saw hints

[ All of that is true. Akechi can trust him; he promised. ]

[Almost, he sends you did not see hints. Almost.]

You thought I had a side like the one you saw that first time? Before we did anything? If that's true, I'm going to need an image consultant.

[ He grins. ]

no need to hire anyone ill tell u what gave u away for the low low price of one (1) kiss IOUs accepted

[Akechi thinks about this for all of ten seconds. Sunday's the next time he expects to see Ren, but it shouldn't be too difficult....]

You're on. The next time I see you. No matter the time, no matter the place.

not convincing me i shouldnt get a taxi but ok firstly the smile is so blinding idk why more ppl dont wonder why ur trying to blind everyone but anyway

[ That may be an experience unique to people who are extremely attracted to Akechi. ]

u were *real* upset whenever i had a good turn in billiards. like. u hid it but u were so upset lol. i was worried u were going to snap ur cue stick at one point and u were so pleased when u talked abt coming at me with everything u have honestly a lot of things abt competing w/ u were enough to make me wonder but what really gave u away was when u called me and talked to me abt how u wanted to dress me up and control me. idk what else u expected me to think like ... honestly i wasnt sure even after that. but it was enough to make it worth testing the waters u know

[It drips over him, one thing after the next, one little thing after another that Ren has not only seen, but remembered. I see you, I see you. I always saw you. He feels like someone's lifted his mask to stare in at him, but he also feels a weird exaltation: he was watching me from the start, like I was watching him.]

You're right. Most of that isn't much of a giveaway. Anyone in my homeroom could tell you I'm competitive. Not that any of them are worth the effort. I couldn't believe you touched me like that. [Really. Nobody touched him, other than to drag him along or hit him or to be a fucking creep, since... when, exactly?]

Edited 2023-03-09 05:04 (UTC)

u seemed so sad that those girls were going to chase u out & also i wanted to see what u looked like w/ messy hair two birds one stone

I'd say you've got your wish by now. I admit, that phone call wasn't the best-judged thing I've done. Not my finest hour - I was a little embarrassed, though it seems to have worked out. [No, he'd been mad as hell, he'd tingled all over his body for hours.] I wanted you to know I could do the same to you. Make you into whatever I wanted you to be. I still think my clothes would suit you. We'd have to comb your hair.

Edited 2023-03-09 05:30 (UTC)

[ A little embarrassed. Sure. ]

ill wear whatever u want just bring it over everyone acts like i dont comb my hair tho this is what it looks like when i comb it

Really? *Anything* I want? That's quite the blank cheque. I can't imagine you fixing your hair in front of the mirror, so I won't suggest it.

[ Well, he can't back down now. ]

i said what i said & i did that once. put stuff in my hair and everything it was like wearing a greasy helmet and it didnt even work that well

I know the feeling. They fix mine for TV. It's not my favourite thing about it. I should call that taxi. But I'm quite enjoying sitting here alone.

[It's closer to two than one now, and the square really is desolate. Only him, in all the world.]

Edited 2023-03-09 21:12 (UTC)

[ Yeah, Morgana is going to tell him to go to bed at any moment. But he hasn't yet. Turns out it's harder to make bombs than lockpicks without opposable thumbs. ]

its impossible to be alone in tokyo. theres always someone around the corner maybe someday u can come home w/ me. see the stars n stuff find actual solitude

You'd be amazed how quiet it is here, right now.

[Of course, just as he says that, a pair of salarymen stumble past. And he feels the shackle, rather than the fine gold chain. There's no way he can leave the city, and by the time he can....]

I'd like that. I'm too busy. I'm a murderer, Ren, and you want to take me to your home town? That sounds like too much solitude to me. I'd have nothing to do. Besides, stars strike me as a little underwhelming. Goodnight.

[ That was too friendly, huh. Ren is still holding out hope that if he says that stuff enough, one day it might not freak Goro out. ]

good night get home safe!

[ And then... yeah, he'll go for it. ]

(*¯ ³¯*)♡

[Akechi actually looks at it and laughs under his breath—sour, but definite. Honestly. But sure, if that's how Ren wants it.]

[Image]

Edited 2023-03-09 21:38 (UTC)

[ ... Ren's entire face heats up as he stares at the gif. ]

(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) me irl

[Some of the sourness leaves his face at Ren's reply.]

Just as planned. Sleep well, Ren.

u too <3

[ And he turns to help a frustrated Morgana finish the bomb. He's going to be so fucking tired tomorrow.

And indeed, the next morning finds him blinking sleepily on the train platform, yawning into his hand. Morgana is having a quiet morning in his bag, probably for the same reason. ]

[Akechi gets three hours' sleep, which isn't exactly unprecedented. It doesn't show; he puts some concealer under his eyes and gets on with it. So when he draws up alongside Ren with his usual princely smile, it's like he's not even human—like he's some kind of pleasant boy robot. Except for the quiet suggestiveness in his tone, that is.]

It's really summer now, isn't it? I've broken a sweat just walking down here.

[Actually... yeah, there's a slant to his smile that only Ren will see.]

[ You're on, Akechi said. The next time I see you. No matter the time, no matter the place. Ren's sleepy expression slowly shifts into quiet hilarity as he watches Akechi approach. ]

Yeah, I get that.

[ Blandest of bland tones. ]

[Akechi draws up beside him on the crowded platform, because why the hell not. His eyes are dancing.]

Yes, it's been an interesting year all around, what with Medjed getting involved now. The influence of the Phantom Thieves knows no bounds. I truly underestimated them.

[Just like that, where Ren can see, he cups his hand over his mouth, as if in thought. And he kisses it on the back, sticking out the tip of his tongue to lick his palm.]

I remember. Talking trash on the TV set.

[ They'd run from a powerful enemy, and all that. Morgana is probably listening to all this, but luckily for Ren, he's curled up drowsily in his bag. Ren's expression is utterly blank, like he's seeing nothing out of the ordinary, but his eyes are fixed on Akechi's mouth and the little flick of his tongue. ]

Yes. Perhaps I was wrong about that. How they handle Medjed, though, an enemy they can't see or touch—no, I'm still afraid of the implications. The potential for that fight to spill onto a wider game board is immense.

[He lowers his hand to his side; it's still cupped, as if he's palmed the kiss like a magician palms a coin. Again, he meets Ren's eye with a sparkle he's had entirely too little sleep for.]

Speaking of the wider game board, what do you think the public are making of this? Are they entertained? Or would you say they're more inconvenienced by it?

[ The public seem like they're enjoying it, frankly. Ren isn't sure how he feels about that; he doesn't think he likes it very much. ]

I'm having fun, anyway.

[ He yawns widely, lifting his hand to cover his mouth. When his hand falls, he doesn't shove it back in his pocket. ]

[He keeps tight hold of the mask, without even much effort; the sparkle in his eyes doesn't sharpen to a glitter. But he pats the back of Ren's wrist, firmly, for a few moments: kiss. The centre of his palm is still wet.]

Oh, I'm sure you are. And in fairness, it's not as if you're uninvolved. It's natural that you'd support them. [And he takes his hand away. Really, Ren, like he wouldn't keep his word—on this, at least. Though, in his mind, he's borne Ren back against the platform wall, to let the whole world see them, cameras and all.]

But I really can't be late. I've missed so much school lately, with one thing and another. I'll see you soon, yes?

[ And there it is: Akechi has kissed him right on the platform, in front of everyone's eyes, and no one saw. The little piece of Joker that's always inside him grins in wild triumph; his eyes glint with it.

It takes him a second to respond. ]

Yeah. Just text me.

[And just for a moment, Akechi's eyes have a feral glint as he glances back, as they know each other. Just for a moment.]

I'll let you know, Amamiya-kun.

[ On the train, Morgana finally stirs. You're hanging out with Akechi a lot, he says. And Ren can't even respond until they're walking the final stretch to school, because if he starts muttering to himself on the train, his classmates will think he's finally snapped. ]

We're friends. Me and Akechi, I mean.

[ You need to be careful, Morgana says uneasily from his bag. You know he's been in the Metaverse. ]

Yep. We can still be friends.

[ Okay, Joker. As long as you know what you're doing.

Morgana has a bizarre amount of faith in him. All the Phantom Thieves do, but Morgana was the one who started it, back when they barely knew each other. Ren just hopes he's worthy of it. ]

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the boy in the belfry

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