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With all due respect, I find that a bit hard to believe.

What I do believe is that you've told yourself this because it allows you to proceed down this path. Sunk cost, in other words. Strength, control, armor to shield you from the hardships of the world- I can see the appeal in that, especially with the life you've led.

But I have to question if you truly wish to cut everything else away, or if you're attempting it solely so they don't cut you out first. If it's you making the call, then you have the power. You aren't the one being hurt.

Except it still hurts, doesn't it?

Then you need to stop projecting for one second and see me for what I am.

You have this image of me as a victim, trapped by the sunk cost fallacy. But that's pathetic. What I do, I do because I want to. Because I choose it. Because I see success at the end. I'll have what I want, what I've *earned*. What others have paid for in blood while I lived the high life. That's all that matters to me. I may have to have Shido's blood in me, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to make it pay

[He has neglected to answer the question other-him asked, or to address it at all.]

You didn't answer the question.

Have you never once considered your own personal biases? You call my words projecting.

You have this image of yourself as a monster. You chose this path, yes, but I still recall how much the news shook you when I revealed that you had been a false god's pawn. To have the very foundations of your aspirations challenged, shaken.

Do you really see success at the end, after everything you've learned here?

I don't think it's too late to pave a more fruitful path, especially now that we have the knowledge provided by the Shadow.

If you survive, Maruki can't use you against Ren. So, don't get killed. Find a way to get your vengeance against Shido that doesn't end in your demise. After all, is your continued existence not the ultimate spite against Shido, when all is said and done?

[It pulls him up short. Of course he ends along with his plan. That's just symmetry. He can't imagine anything else.]

Are you seriously telling me I should stay alive for the good of the world?

It'd help, but also, I think that living would be the ultimate offense to Masayoshi Shido.

The man who sees you expendable, the man who intends to throw you out back once you've fulfilled your use to him.

Survive, and who gets the last laugh? Certainly not him.

[But it doesn't work. He picks up his cooling coffee, takes it to the picture window that faces down onto the park. An utterly black expanse, at this hour, in the bright fake Tokyo night.

Getting his revenge from afar. Remotely, with a phone in his hand, or a laptop at his command. Or in the Metaverse, assuming he could ever turn on Shido's bloated Shadow and win. It's just not....]

Do you know why I did it? What I did it for.

Was it for her?

[It's the first thing he can rationalize, at least. Vengeance for the woman whose life he ruined and for the son he abandoned before he was even born.]

Not really. She was just a pretext. I know that much.

[Not that he doesn't burn at the thought of it. Not that it can't still drive him mad, to the extent anything can. But it wasn't what drove him on.]

I did it for the look in his eye. When he knew who I was. When he knew he'd sown the seeds of his own ruin. I was going to take the reins from him, in person. And I was going to enjoy it.

So it's the personal satisfaction.

I can understand that.

As I said, I've toyed with our inevitable calling card to Shido being a grand display, projected on every screen in Shibuya, if not all of Tokyo.

A grand reveal of the "second coming of the Detective Prince," a revelation that Shido had spawned a bastard son who had worked alongside the elusive Phantom Thieves to unearth his conspiracy and drag him into the pits of hell.

But now that I know about the false god, I have to question if that would even work. Perhaps, in the moment, Shido would feel genuine terror. It would be a fitting final few moments before we sweep his distorted desires away, knowing that I did this to him.

[The temptation's still there, for that satisfaction alone. Such feelings aren't wholly lost to him.]

I think the best option would be to consider ways to adjust your actions in light of everything you've learned so far. Plus, you have that Evoker if things get wholly out of hand. Even Shido's most loyal underlings would be no match for Loki in the real world.

[... it's relatable.]

Maybe I'll steal that idea. But if Bug's story holds—[The guy with the butterfly]—I could strip naked in Shibuya in person and nobody would notice a thing. I do think the rest of you lack imagination. Killing Ren wasn't my idea. I don't care if he gets off. That false god doesn't necessarily pose a problem. It has interests, but so do I. I just need to outthink it. I don't even have to wait for the election, technically.

[Because he knows, really, that it wasn't the election he was waiting for. Again, it was a pretext, that gave him what he really wanted.]

I know I won't change his heart, but he doesn't. I could threaten him with what he fears most of all. The loss of that strength that draws others to fear and admire him.

Edited 2023-09-22 19:03 (UTC)

If you think that is worth a try, but please be cautious. The goal, I think, should be to get you through this alive so that Maruki can't use you as leverage and so that you have a chance to move forward.

[And it's here that he draws out a little levity.]

After all, you said yourself that you'd be getting a vasectomy at twenty.

Death just isn't the same.

[That fucking counsellor. But wait a second.]

Come on. You know I was joking about that, I hope.

But you still said it. And judging by the way you reacted to my flag, I doubt you have any interest in women, let alone that sort of commitment in the first place.

Edited 2023-09-22 19:19 (UTC)

You're making a grave mistake if you think sex is about attraction. More of your romantic nonsense, I suppose.

[He's sure it would have entered his toolbox eventually. Lucky he plans to die first. But he hasn't denied that he is, in fact, as gay as San Francisco in June.]

I'm well aware of the societal pressure to have a "traditional family" and "carry on one's bloodline."

All the more reason to live, I'd argue. So you can go mask off at the right time, shock the legions of fangirls who parasocially imagined themselves with you. Laugh at their tears.

You can spite Shido. You can spite everyone's expectations. Revel in the glorious anarchy...

I'm not doing that shit, no matter how long I live. But if I've learned nothing else around Shido, it's that sex is a weapon like everything else.

[And he doesn't want to be like that. It's one of the few things about Shido that he's always seen for just what it is, and has always despised. A child she never wanted to be born....]

Please don't bring my fangirls into this pleasant conversation we're having. They're more unhinged than I am.

For what it's worth, I do understand that much.

[Of course he's internalized it as well. Hard not to, really.]

Part of why I haven't

Well. Let's just say I'm very conscious of these things. I don't want to be a puppet to those urges. I don't want to move too fast, or hurt anyone in the process.

But you know, speaking as someone who's also had to deal with incessant swooning from idiotic schoolgirls, I had quite the thrill when Ren and I became official. The mere sight of us holding hands sent a rather profound message.

I loved the looks on their faces. It was catharsis.

I really doubt you're going to hurt Ren. He's not made of glass. It sounds as if even shooting him while he's drugged and in chains is doomed to fail.

[Possibly more than other-Akechi wanted to know about the plan. The details of it have haunted Akechi himself more than a little.]

I'm surprised you weren't expelled. I wouldn't dare hold hands with anyone. [He means in public.]

I don't see why I'd be expelled for innocent teenage behavior.

I'm at the top of my class. I'm a responsible member of the student council. I actually listen to the concerns of fellow students and discourage the rumors spread around by petty PE Teachers and their ilk.

By all accounts, expulsion would only reflect poorly on Shujin at a time when its reputation is already on the line.

[Isn't that convenient? Heh, heh... Never say he's not a trickster at heart.]

You know, I wonder about that. There must be a trick he uses to escape. Regardless, my suggestion to "save" him still stands- you'd have the Phantom Thieves indebted to you, which I think would work rather well.

Perhaps. We don't have anyone here who's good with technology, do we? Or do we?

Not that I know of, sadly.

Perhaps if our collective cognition aligned, we could summon forth a Fuuka Yamagishi or Futaba-chan.

Or we could ask one of the people who've already lived it. Bug, or the dead one. Or that Akira. Sakura stole my phone, before we went into the Metaverse. [The only time.] At the time it seemed innocent, just how she was. But looking back, I can see they were distracting me.

Akira may be our best bet. Actually, both he and the shapeshifting Akira may be useful allies in that respect.

After all, the latter is older. He seems to have come out on the other end, so to speak. He also agreed to go with us before my younger self took matters into his own hands.

Edited 2023-09-22 20:26 (UTC)

That's true. The fact that he shapeshifts, though, makes him seem necessarily different from the Ren I know. Or maybe you have some stories there, as a side-effect of your special relationship. I still think we need to speak to this Shadow for ourselves. If Raven got out alive, it can't be as unstable as it seemed on that first meeting. Or perhaps he distressed it, and now it will be worse.

Edited 2023-09-22 21:02 (UTC)

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